Monday, January 3, 2011

To Thine Own Self be true

  I don't really believe in Resolutions per se........I do, however, believe in periodically evaluating your life, dreams, goals and priorities.  For a while now my priorities don't match my supposed belief system, and I am growing weary of the hypocrisy of it all.  

 Lately, I am feeling more and more like I am one gigantic liar!  Not the kind that tells lies to others..........a worse kind, the kind that lies to ones self.  I keep asking myself "how did I get here?"  AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!

  When I was in my early 20's things seemed so easy and clear.  I knew the mistakes I had made, I didn't want to pass them on to my Children, and I loved my Lord with all My heart, soul, and strength.  

  Through a variety of trials, disappointments, family problems, and health issues, I Lost my way.  

  Don't get me wrong...........I haven't renounced my faith or anything like that.........I would compare this to a person knowing that they have been starving themselves for a VERY long time, having food in front of them, and either forgetting how to or refusing to eat.
  I KNOW I don't fully understand my problem in it's entirety,  even as I am writing this I feel overwhelmed by the daunting task of figuring it out.......I do feel that God has been slowly awakening in me some of my passion again.  I can't say I have been surrendering to all of his prompting...........but I can say that I AM trying.   My list of things to work on in this next year in no particular order are............

1.  Find a Church that is "thriving"  not too big and not to small and attend again regularly.  

2. Stop making excuses for myself, there are people who feel much worse than I, and are in Church every time the doors are open, so I can make it at least once a week.

3.  Be in the word daily!  

4.  Make the time to take care of myself or I will be of no use to ANYONE.

5.  Take time to be GRATEFUL each and every day.

6.  Speak softly or don't speak at all!

7.  Make sure my children have my time and attention..........BE PRESENT in my life.

8.  Make time to do some of the things that make me happy.

9.  Learn how to truly forgive the people who have hurt me, and continue to do so.

11.  Pray daily for myself and my family!

10.  Last but not least..........worry more about pleasing God and less about pleasing others.


  I hope that I haven't been too much of a "downer" but this is a step toward personal honesty.  Hopefully a HUGE step toward the God I love, and away from the Sin that is causing the great divide!  

Many Blessings to all of you this NEW year!
Paula <3

James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

New Year's Exhaustion......

  I should be writing about all of the soul searching I have done over the past month or so, but instead all I can do is "Yawn".  After 2 weeks of late nights and up early, and then later nights and up (not so early)  I am exhausted!!  

  When preparing the kids to go back to school after Summer break, I start a week or so ahead of time waking the kids early and putting them to bed at their proper bed times.  Unfortunately, after the New Year school goes right back in with only a day or two for everyone to recover.  

  Around Midnight my Daughter came into my room telling me she couldn't sleep.  Her schedule is all turned around.  The boys also said they had a difficult time getting to sleep last night.....poor kids are going to have a rough day at school today.  Praying they are doing better than their Mother because they have youth on their side.  I certainly hope they don't end up looking like this.....

  After rising at 5:30 to get my oldest off to High School, I got the younger ones up and off to school, and out of some weird sense of obligation...........I went to the gym and swam laps in the pool to aid in the healing of my knee.  While I enjoyed it, I am paying for it now.  I can't muster the energy to do much else.....I have been drinking coffee reading blogs and waiting for the caffeine buzz to kick in!  At this point I think it is hopeless.  

  I have a GOOD feeling that everyone will be in bed before 9 tonight!  Happy New Year all........  :)