As a general rule, I don't tell people that my Husband was a worship leader at our church for over 8 years. It leads to other questions, some of which don't have the easiest answers.
That being said...throughout the years we have tried to pray together or do devotionals together, and it always seemed to fall apart for one reason or another.
My spiritual life has been kind of a mess for quite some time now. You can read more about that here. Maybe someday I will be braver and better able to explain what happened along the way that caused our spiritual crisis, but for now all I can tell you is the pull of God is so strong it is almost overwhelming.
Yesterday, I was browsing my book case and it's plethora of Christian books and studies, and came across this one.
We purchased this book many years ago, and never got passed the first day. The book mark was still in there, marking our failure.
Last night, after reading scripture with my kids, picking out memory verses for us to work on and praying together, I asked my Husband if he would like to give this another whirl. He, as usual, was very open to the idea.
I started by reading the preface aloud, and then turned the book over to my husband to read the first chapter. At the end of the chapter there was a question. It asked....What has kept us from praying together in the past?
Now, I knew what had kept me from wanting to pray together in the past, but was too frightened to share it. I didn't want to be hurtful. I sat in silence, afraid to speak.
He started to answer.....He said that there were two types of prayer that he was really comfortable with. Group prayer and personal prayer. He then stated how intimate personal prayer is....and how praying together is EXTREMELY intimate.
I sat there nodding my head....this is EXACTLY how I felt about praying together. Truth be told, praying as a couple was "embarrassing" to me. But, I couldn't believe HE felt this way too. He HAD after all been the worship leader in our church for 8ish years. He was used to not only singing and playing the guitar or piano, but he regularly lead our church in prayer every weekend. Not to mention countless small groups and the other people on his worship team. I thought he was IMMUNE to being embarrassed.
Those of you who know us are probably thinking this seem ludicrous. Neither Chris or I get embarrassed easily, and we are VERY close to each other. All of that is true, however, neither of us were brought up in homes where it was an easy thing to discuss your feelings....AND as a general rule, religion and intimacy with God, or religious views amongst extended family has always proved to be a firestorm of trouble!!
Fortunately, neither of us had a hard time sharing our faith and intimate thoughts with our children.....(at least that is something) Truth is....once he and I both told each other that is how we have been feeling about this subject, the fear of it went away.
He prayed first, and I was able to fully listen to and enjoy his prayer without being anxious about what I was going to say next.
It was wonderful! There are so many BIG, life changing decisions we may end up making, that OUR little family really needs to be united or it isn't going to work. We have learned this over and over the hard way. Now I think we have ALL decided we would like to try it GOD'S way.
I am linking to....A Holy Experience. You can find Ann's page at the button below. If you aren't familiar with her blog please stop by. She has written the book, One Thousand Gifts. I recently ordered it from Amazon, she has the first chapter available to be read on her site. So far it is marvelous.
